Last Updated on September 20, 2025 by Brenda

We all know the deep ache that follows the loss of a loved one. It’s a pain that society readily acknowledges, offering condolences and support, however imperfectly. But what about the other losses we experience – the ones that might feel just as profound yet often go unacknowledged or minimized by the world around us?

On the latest episode of Health IQ from the Quay County Health Council Dr. Rebecca Hodge, the new clinical director for Professional Counseling Associates delved into this very topic. Dr. Hodge shed light on the concept of disenfranchised grief – losses that aren’t seen as significant by society or aren’t socially recognized.

Grief can stem from:

• Divorce: The unraveling of a partnership and a shared future.
• Job Loss: The loss of identity, financial security, and daily routine.
• Illness or Identity Shifts: Grieving the loss of health, abilities, or a former sense of self.
• Infertility: The unfulfilled dream of building a family.
• Estrangement: The painful absence of relationships with family members.
• Loss of a Pet: The deep bond with a beloved animal companion.
• Death of an Ex-Partner: The complex emotions tied to a past relationship.
• Loss of Casual or Secret Relationships: The sorrow without the validation of public acknowledgment.
• Political Losses: For those deeply invested, the outcome of an election can feel like a significant and personal blow.

Those experiencing disenfranchised grief often lack the social support and understanding that typically accompany more recognized forms of loss. This can lead to feelings of isolation, invalidation, and a more difficult grieving process. Think about friends grieving someone who wasn’t a family member, or caregivers of those with dementia mourning the gradual loss of a loved one’s presence long before their physical passing.

The COVID-19 pandemic further highlighted these complexities. Beyond the tragic loss of life, many grieved the loss of traditions, the inability to mourn collectively, and even the shift in their own identities and ways of life. The high school student who missed prom, the athlete who lost their season – these losses, while perhaps seemingly smaller in comparison, carried real emotional weight.

The stages of grief, including shock, denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance, stressing that these stages are not linear and can be experienced in any order. A key takeaway is the importance of accepting one’s own grief and finding safe, non-judgmental spaces to talk about it.

So, what can we do, both for ourselves and for others, when faced with these often-unspoken forms of grief?

For Supporting Others:

• Acknowledge their loss: Even a simple, “That must be really hard for you,” can make a difference.
• Validate their feelings: Let them know their emotions make sense, even if others don’t understand.
• Create space for mourning: Ask if they want to talk about their loss or how they’re feeling.
• Avoid minimizing or comparing: Phrases like “At least it wasn’t worse” or “You’ll get over it” can be incredibly invalidating.
• Be patient: Grief has no timeline.

For Yourself:

• Acknowledge your grief: Recognize that your feelings are valid, regardless of whether the loss is traditionally recognized.
• Utilize your beliefs and culture: Find comfort and healing in your spiritual or cultural practices.
• Consider symbolic actions: Engaging with elements like earth, fire, wind, or water in a meaningful way can be cathartic.
• Journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide a space for your brain to process the “why” behind your loss.
• Be patient with yourself: Healing is a process, not a race.

Signs that professional help might be needed for grief. These include prolonged intensity of grief, inability to function daily, physical symptoms (like “broken heart syndrome”), thoughts of self-harm or suicide, extreme mood swings, avoiding the reality of loss, feeling isolated, emotional detachment, and substance abuse. Dr. Hodge advocates for therapy as a safe space to process these raw emotions, emphasizing that feeling the sadness, though uncomfortable, is crucial for healing.

Grief is a deeply personal experience, and it manifests in countless ways. By expanding our understanding of what constitutes loss and offering compassionate support, we can create a more understanding and healing community for everyone navigating their own unique journey of grief.

If you find yourself struggling with grief that feels overwhelming or isolating, please remember that help is available. The statewide crisis line in New Mexico can be reached by calling or texting 988. Additionally, the professionals at places like Professional Counseling Associates are there to offer support and guidance. It’s okay to reach out. You don’t have to carry the weight of grief alone.

Listen to these impactful episodes: Unseen Grief Part 1 and Unseen Grief Part 2