Last Updated on June 12, 2024 by Brenda

Watch Episode 13 Men Living with Stress and Anxiety: How to Help

HOW TO HELP THE OVER-STRESSED MAN IN YOUR LIFE

written by Gordan Runyan

As part of Men’s Health Month, the Podcast was joined by local Baptist pastor, Gordan

Runyan. Gordan is the author of over three dozen books and has been a local pastor for almost

20 years. He has experience providing ministerial counselling to people dealing with a wide

range of emotional and mental health issues.

In addition, he recently retired from decades in a stressful job and found himself in the

midst of his own unexpected struggle, diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. He brings a

wealth of understanding, including what he calls “boots on the ground” experience.

His overall message was that there are, thankfully, a lot of simple, easy things we can all

do in an effort to aid men around us who may be in some trouble, struggling with stress. Of

course, this doesn’t do away with the wisdom in seeking medical help as well.

Men in our culture have been raised for generations with an emphasis on getting things

done; not showing weakness; not whining about difficulties; and, finding ways to “muscle

through” tough situations. While this emphasis may have the desired effect of creating a

productive, competent man, it also comes with its own challenges that women may be

unfamiliar with.

Specifically, there are three aspects of masculinity in our culture that are drilled into men

from a young age, in a way they are not routinely taught to young girls.

1. A man should be a protector. He should be able to defend his own, as well as

generally protect those weaker than himself.

2. A man should be a provider. When young men start earning money, they often are

not thinking about what toys they can buy, but that they may be able to start a family.

3. A man should be a leader. To be a leader, though, one first has to work at serving

people, which is the only way he’ll ever get anyone to follow his lead.

These points are mainstream in our culture even now, promoted by some leading

podcasts. Those shows are generally not religious at all, but are focused on discussing

relationships and self-improvement. However, pastor Runyan pointed out that these three

characteristics of masculinity are on display in the Bible, in the prominent symbolism of the

Shepherd.

Pastor Runyan introduced the topic of a recurring malady among men he has

encountered. This particularly strikes older men, who have led active, productive lives. In fact,

they have, maybe without realizing it, wrapped up their own sense of identity in their

accomplishments, or their ability to go and do, and get stuff done. Then, something happens to

them that either limits or destroys these abilities (something like sudden health issues, or age-

related things that force them to slow down or stop altogether).

They’ve lived their lives being productive and useful. This is vital to their own self-worth.

When they suddenly can’t perform in life the way they used to, it can present a severe

psychological challenge. They start feeling worthless or unmanly.

Pastor Runyan suggested that these effects can be countered with all the usual answers

for dealing with stress.

Gordan also pointed out that for the believer, it’s important to realize that a man’s true

source of value is not in what he does, but in what God has to say about him. Value is always

determined by what a buyer is willing to pay for something, and, in Christian thinking, Jesus has

paid the ultimate price for his people, assigning enormous, intrinsic value to everyone made in

the image of God.

The pastor also found himself retiring from a stressful job after decades of work, this last

January. Without warning, he began developing frightening symptoms of stress, including

sudden, and seemingly random episodes of high heart rate, and inability to sleep well. He was

puzzled because the things that were stressing him out were greatly reduced by his retirement.

So why was less stress affecting him more severely than high stress ever did?

He talked about his diagnosis with General Anxiety Disorder and how men who have

spent their lives simply shoving stress to the side, for the sake of providing for their loved ones,

are set up for a big reversal once that stress is gone. He gave a list of the things that have

helped him and others he has heard from.

The podcast finished up with easy-to-perform steps that any person can do, that may

seem small, yet can have a disproportionately outsized effect on behalf of a man in your life

(friend or family) who is struggling. You don’t have to be a genius or have all the right words.

You just have to show up for him.